Thursday, 2 January 2014

Pygophiles Rule

The Ancient Greeks believed that a nice bum was the personal gift of Aphrodite, the goddess of love. Proving the old phrase Mixed Blessings, two girls who had been personally blessed by the goddess, fell out when trying to decide who was the most callipygious. In order to avoid bloodshed, they asked the two sons of their wealthy neighbour to judge between them.

As it turned out the young men were pygophilians: sexually aroused by the sight of nicely shaped bottoms. Smitten, they immediately married their callipygian sweethearts, catapulting them into a lifestyle beyond their wildest dreams and bestowing on them an exalted social rank to boot. As they were never heard of again, we can only assume that the girls were too impressed with their new status to fight further.

Deciding the general epithet callipygian wasn't expressive enough, the Greeks went one step further. They decided on spheropygian derived from the word sphere to describe beautifully full and rounded bottoms. For extreme cases of posterior munificence, there is also steatopyga. This is normally used to describe Hottentot women who have the most amazing bottom: the fat that sits upon the buttocks gives them a characteristic "parcel shelf" look.

The next time you see your best enemy, you may drop the vulgar phrase fat-bum and use the much more accurate steatopygous, pronounced stay-toh-pie-goose. An elegant insult is always so satisfying, don't you think?

Given this sums up the number of descriptive words available in the English language for this subject, perhaps we should invent some new ones. For example, if the Greek prefix bromo means smelly, then wouldn't bromopygian mean smelly bottom? Along the same lines we could have micropygian for tiny bottoms and talantepygian for wobbly bottoms.

I wonder if pygmy is a corruption of short arse...

The Ancient Greeks believed that a nice bum was the personal gift of Aphrodite, the goddess of love. Proving the old phrase Mixed Blessings, two girls who had been personally blessed by the goddess, fell out when trying to decide who was the most callipygious. In order to avoid bloodshed, they asked the two sons of their wealthy neighbour to judge between them.

As it turned out the young men were pygophilians: sexually aroused by the sight of nicely shaped bottoms. Smitten, they immediately married their callipygian sweethearts, catapulting them into a lifestyle beyond their wildest dreams and bestowing on them an exalted social rank to boot. As they were never heard of again, we can only assume that the girls were too impressed with their new status to fight further.

Deciding the general epithet callipygian wasn't expressive enough, the Greeks went one step further. They decided on spheropygian derived from the word sphere to describe beautifully full and rounded bottoms. For extreme cases of posterior munificence, there is also steatopyga. This is normally used to describe Hottentot women who have the most amazing bottom: the fat that sits upon the buttocks gives them a characteristic "parcel shelf" look.

The next time you see your best enemy, you may drop the vulgar phrase fat-bum and use the much more accurate steatopygous, pronounced stay-toh-pie-goose. An elegant insult is always so satisfying, don't you think?

Given this sums up the number of descriptive words available in the English language for this subject, perhaps we should invent some new ones. For example, if the Greek prefix bromo means smelly, then wouldn't bromopygian mean smelly bottom? Along the same lines we could have micropygian for tiny bottoms and talantepygian for wobbly bottoms.

I wonder if pygmy is a corruption of short arse...

No comments:

Post a Comment

Want to guest blog? Let me know!

Interview with Lee Savino, author of Rescued by the Berserker

Lee Savino is an author and a mom and a chocoholic. She's written a bunch of books, all smexy romance. Smexy = smart + sexy. Rescued...